/* This is a random sentence generator. It attempts to create sentences in the style of Karen Elizabeth Gordon, l337 grammatician and author of "The New Well- Tempered Sentence," "Paris Out of Hand," and the classic "Deluxe Transitive Vampire: The Ultimate Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed" http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=books&field-author=Gordon%2C%20Karen%20Elizabeth/107-3598112-6222913 To execute this script, somewhere between and ... And anyplace you want random sentences to show up... Replace x with number of sentences you'd like. This is a moderately-heavily modified version of somebody else's script. Unfortunately, the name wasn't listed, so I can't credit the poor bastard... http://javascript.internet.com/messages/sentence.html -Cowboy X 6/29/2001 eric@automatictaxistop.com */ /* James hauls in the code, changes english to suit paintball battle, want to make things past tense, more action, shorter sentences */ RandMultiplier = 0x23232323 RandIncrement = 1 var now = new Date() RandSeed = now.getTime() % 0xffffffff FirstSentence = 1 // marks that first sentence has not been made yet; state altered on line 105 FirstAmerica = 1 // marks that the goofy "...america great" sentence has not been used yet; line 69 function qrand(n) { RandSeed = (RandMultiplier * RandSeed + RandIncrement) % 0x7fffffff return (RandSeed >> 16) % n } function DeluxeTransitiveGenerator(sentenceCount) { for (x=1; x<=sentenceCount; x++) { var stemp = GenRandomSentenceTemplate() var s = "" for ( i=0; i 45) w = "1 2 1." // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r >40 ) w = "8 2 1." // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r >35 ) w = "1 2 8." // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r >30 ) w = "8 2 8." // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r >26 ) w = "1 4." // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r >22 ) w = "0 2 8." // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r >17 ) w = "8 2 0." // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 1 ) w = "1 2 1, 3 1 2 1." // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase, Conjuction NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 2 ) w = "When 1 4, 1 4." // When NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase, NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase. //else if ( r == 3 ) w = "When 1 2 1, then 1 4." // If NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase, then NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase. //else if ( r == 3 ) w = "Then 1 4." // If Then NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase. else if ( r == 3 ) w = "1 4!" // Sometimes NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase, but NounPhrase always TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 4 ) w = "1 always 2 1!" // NounPhrase always TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 5 ) w = "1 7 1 4." // NounPhrase Adverb NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase else if ( r == 6 ) { if ( FirstAmerica ) { FirstAmerica = 0 w = "1, 1, and 1 are what got 8 into trouble." } else {w = "1 2 1."} // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. } else if ( r == 7 ) w = "1 4, 3 1 2 1." // NounPhrase IntransitiveVerbPhrase, Conjuction NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 8 ) w = "1 2 1." // Now and then, NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else if ( r == 9 ) w = "1 4, and 1 4." // Noun IntransitiveVerbPhrase, and Noun IntransitiveVerbPhrase; however, NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase.. else if ( r == 10 ) { if ( FirstSentence ) {w = "1 2 1."} // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else {w = "Indeed, 1 2 1."} // Indeed, NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. } else if ( r == 11 ) { if ( FirstSentence ) {w = "0 2 1."} // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else {w = "8, was soothed by 1 and 1."} // } else if ( r == 12 ) { if ( FirstSentence ) {w = "1 2 1."} // NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. else {w = "He 2 8 (or was it 8?)."} // For example, NounPhrase indicates that NounPhrase TransitiveVerbPhrase NounPhrase. } else if ( r == 13 ) w = "0s remained 6." // else if ( r == 14 ) w = "8 and I took 1 (with 1, 1, a few 0s, and 1)." // else if ( r == 15 ) w = "1 was 6." else if ( r == 16 ) w = "8 2 1." FirstSentence = 0 return (w); } function GenNoun() { w = new Array( "girl","boy","soldier","casualty", "coward","ruffian","onlooker","referee", "fence","tree","barrel", "flag", "paint-gun", "gun", "helmet", "mud", "leaves", "stick", "stone", "bank", "hut", "bridge", "fallen tree", "log", "bench", "net", "face-mask", "combats", "boot", "burger and chips", "hand","leg","arm","thigh","neck","head","finger","ankle","foot", "guardian angel","lunatic","curse"); return w[qrand(w.length)] } function GenPreposition() { w = new Array( "from","near","about","around","for","toward","over","behind","beyond","inside", "north of", "south of", "east of", "west of", "over", "under", "around", "left of", "right of", "forwards of", "backwards of", "sideways by", "across", "away from", "behind", "on top of" ); return w[qrand(w.length)] } function GenNounPhrase(depth) { var phraseKind = qrand(3) var s = "" if ( phraseKind == 0 || depth>0 ) {s = GenNoun()} else if ( phraseKind == 1 ) {s = GenAdjective() + " " + GenNoun()} else if ( phraseKind == 2 ) {s = GenNoun() + " " + GenPreposition() + " " + GenNounPhrase(depth+1)} var r = qrand(100) if ( r < 30 ) {s = "the " + s} else if ( r < 35 ) {s = "another " + s} else if ( r < 40 ) {s = "some " + s} else { var c = s.substring(0,1).toLowerCase() if ( (s.substring(0,8) != "Eurasian") && (c=='a' || c=='e' || c=='i' || c=='o' || c=='u') ) {s = "an " + s} else {s = "a " + s} } return s } function GenProperName() { s = new Array( "John","JC","Bill","Harry","Ridgeway", "Jer","Donal","Berny","Fiona","Eoin","referee", "Derek","James","Hoagy","another guy","one of the other guys"); return s[qrand(s.length)] } function GenAdverb() { s = new Array("weirdly","strangely", "greedily","hesitantly","secretly","carelessly","thoroughly","barely","ridiculously", "non-chalantly","hardly","eagerly","feverishly","lazily","accurately","accidentally","completely", "single-handledly","underhandedly","almost","overwhelmingly","quickly","crazily","messily","muddily", "mercilessly","hungrily"); return s[qrand(s.length)] } function GenAdjective() { w = new Array("paint-splattered","halfhearted","botched","unruffled", "wobbly","terrified","hungry","dirty","muddy","wet","coloured","orange","blue","red","green","yellow", //shorty: "sprightly","slovenly","friendly","gingerly","unseemly","saintly","ungodly","lovely","unsightly","surly","womanly","ghastly","wily") if ( qrand(10) > 7 ) { return (GenAdverb() + " " + w[qrand(w.length)]); } else { return w[qrand(w.length)] } } // James wants past tense which not easy to convert to present or future // so "shout$" becomes shout shouts shouted shoot shoots shot doesn't work function GenTransitiveVerbPhrase(tense) { sArray = new Array("splashed the","ran over a body with","squelched the","scrambled to","clambered over","climbed","crouched behind", "crept behind","walked on","rushed behind","scampered behind","screamed at","yelled about","fell behind","jumped over","leapt behind", "shout* at","shot at","conquer$","rubbed the","bounce$ the","mourn*","taught","preferred","pour* freezing cold water on","scraped paint off","scraped mud off","looked for","ignored","dance$ around","recognize$","approach*","negotiate$ a truce with","assimilate$","bestow$ great honor upon","derive$ satisfaction from","stole paintballs from","tr& to paint","went behind a tree with","found a problem with","laugh* with","befriend*","made a truce with","gave a hand to","pound*","trade$ shots with","sold " + GenNounPhrase(0) + " to","^ a change of heart about","played with","share$ a " + GenNounPhrase(0) + " with","bought more balls for","roast*","took a peek at","piss* on","wrote a love letter in paint to","fell in love with","avoid* getting painted on the",") a big fan of","crawled","crept","borrow* from","charge$ with","threw " + GenNounPhrase(0) + " at","bur&","was nasty to","learnt a hard lesson from","planned an escape from " + GenNounPhrase(0),"made love to"); vt = "" var i s = sArray[qrand(sArray.length)]; for (i=0; i